xX'*Sel~Spams*'Xx

Sometimes late at night,
I lie awake and i watch her sleeping.
She's lost in peaceful dreams so I turn out the light,
and lay there in the dark.
And the thought crosses my mind;
if I never wake up in the morning,
Would she ever doubt the way I feel about her deep in my heart?

If tomorrow never comes,
would she know how much I love her?
Did I try in every way,
to show her that I care?
She's my only one.
If my time on Earth should come,
she must face this world without me.
Is the love I gave her in the past,
gonna be enough to last,
if tomorrow never comes?

So I made a promise to myself,
to say each day how much she means to me.
And avoid that circumstance where there's no second chance
to tell her how I feel.

So tell that someone that you love, just what you're thinking of, if tomorrow never comes.

Sorry for all the nasty things I've said in my anger. I definitely didn't mean them. Love you always mum. <3

Impulse, anger, annoyance. A shower of guilt. Terrible. I feel just terrible. Although any normal individual would succumb to the pain of "death by nagging", but the painful aftermath of a quarrel that has ensued; of not realising the pain of a loved one caused by you hurts much much more. In being so caught up in my own problems, I'd neglected the troubles and feelings of the people dearest to me. People, or rather, someone. That someone who would always be there when I needed her. And yet I was not there when she needed me. How two people can look so alike and yet be SO different still baffles me. I'm supposed to understand her feelings. Which I do. While the hurt and anger from her not being able to understand mine blinds my sensitivity towards her feelings, the idiom "an eye for an eye" does not always work out well. Especially if the two eyes concerned are connected to each other. By blood. Hurt one and the other will feel the sting. Hurting her would be akin to hurting myself. I've come to realise that over decades of arguments- hurtful and angry exhanges. I need to realise that the glass is half-full and not half-empty; that there is still something worth salvaging between us, something that shouldn't be taken for granted. Put in that extra effort and make things work between us. "Family" is something that you can't run away or hide from, no matter how much you want to. If I can't settle things here, what makes it any easier than being elsewhere, like the States? Home is where the heart is. Well, at least it's where my heart is.

Yet "sorry" seems to be the hardest word.

This may sound corny, it probably is, but, a two line poem just formed in my head.

'When your impulsivity and anger leads you astray,
Home, that pillar of support and love, will guide you the way'

WhY did she have to die?
WhY did it have to turn out this way?
WhY does she have to go?
The Pursuit of HappYness....

Man, it's one movie i definitely want to watch, if not for my first time seeing Will Smith in a serious role.

Mum is at it again. Omg i can't stand it. She can be such a - grr reli getting on my nerves. It's been especially bad these days when i don't have school then i am perpetually stuck with her the WHOLE freaking day. Why does sis have to go to US? I will miss her SO much. She's like the only reason why i can stand this family at all. SIGH. I SO need to work hard n get that overseas scholarship. Then i can join her in Washington.=)

Damn it. It's depressing. I'm getting depressed. Sis leaving, OP, I&R, PROMO RESULTS omggg, being stuck with a - nvm. ....UGH. *RAWR*

Disclaimer: Nasty Howler.
*RRRaaaWWWwwRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!*
whywhywhyWHYWHY do i have to handle such crap?! seriously. please, talk less and do more. And when u finally do say something, make sense, be rationale n be logical! Don't JUST try and win conversation for the sake of it. i'm starting to get fed up with this bunch of bullsh*t. well, there are of course others who have it worse and i totally empathise with them really. but seriously. this is getting on my nerves. arghh. can't wait to get this OVER and OUT OF MY LIFE! n i'll never haf to deal w it again. NEVER EVER EVERRRRRRRRR! ohh yeaaa i can just imagine. absolutely total BLISS.

P.S.: This message will self-destruct in 10 seconds. Avoid passing on to others.

Sis came back from Korea today =D)). had lots of intriguing stories to tell. apparently Koreans are really trendy - their clothes and fashion apparels are simply amazing! unfortunately so are the prices, ;(... can be quite ex. n they are really particular abt cleanliness. sis said there wasn't even a single moment when she stepped into any public toilet n found it dirty - everything was spotlessly clean. n i learnt new things too - that Koreans can't stand China Chinese in general cos' they always dirty the public areas n toilets. Also, the area where the line which divides N. & S. Korea is, is called Pam Mung Jum.(i can't spell romanized Korean!) learnt abt the symbolism of the korean national flag, the national icon - the pine tree, the Rose of Sharon(no, not the clothes store at Plaza Sing.)- the S. Korean's national flower and finally, abt. the olden Korean homes and the social hierarchy. Also discovered a bit more abt their education system.

Below are some pictures of the Rose of Sharon aka Rose of Althea



Aren't they beautiful? i haf more photos of diff. coloured varieties n breeds but too lazy to upload :P.

yep. oh n gave sis her b'day present which she said was pretty n lucky she didn't get something similar for me in korea or it'll be like gift exchange lol. she bought me this REALLYYY adorable umbrella. now i just can't wait for the rain to come. n the pouch n lipstick case was really nice. shall use them for prom. =)) lol.

tried the chamoe (korean chate melon) she brought back n it's really sweet n yummy! tastes like rock melon =)) haven't tried the korean peaches yet...shall try them tomorrow. they're really big! well maybe not the size of James' peach(James and the Giant Peach) but certainly at least twice the size of an ordinary peach. so interesting. i'm excited. ^^,

P.S. Feeling pretty accomplished for doing chem practice from 11-6(but towards the end i felt so sien.)now that's wad i call being productive. yea! aja-aja fighting!<3

ARGH. "JAWS" annoys me. N so does a certain pregnant individual. my whole day was wasted by inconsiderate lazy "ppl". damn them. i'm fuming...haven't been this mad since last year when i flung the comb over the parapet incident. thk god there are friends around for me to share these sentiments boiling within me. So unproductive. n so many things to do - revamp pw wr, study for promos n chem spa. ****. sorry. i couldn't find a best alternative mtd of expressing myself so there is no opp. cost. well maybe there is if u consider not saying it at all OH WADDAHELL enough rambling already. i am tired. wanna go sleep. i like econs. ms chua rawks =)) so does her fruit tarts. XD hey they were really yummy k. really. ^^,

aigning off,
a super pissed n sleepy sel..who, is also being random to a large extent.

Love is a word that is so commonplace these days. But then again, it’s always been around regardless of language or culture. Or time. Everything we do in life tends to be centered on these simple four letters- engaging in relationships (family, friends or special interests), job/school, hobbies and even entertainment. Everyone knows that any good song or television drama must have some element of love in order to attain substantial popularity. So why are we so fascinated with love?

What is love?

A feeling to some, a doing word to others, love comes in many different forms and interpretations, some of which are culture dependent. For instance, due to their more conservative societies, many Asians still take a more conservative approach to love as compared to their more liberal and open-minded Western counterparts.

What do I think about love?

Love, like marriage, is akin to running a business. It involves making transactions, investments, networking and overcoming obstacles to keep the business running effectively and efficiently.

Feelings are constantly transacted in love but care has to be taken to ensure that there is transparency on both sides so that what is transmitted to the other party is accurate and doesn’t get distorted, to prevent misunderstandings.

Making investments in love, like any investment, must be made with careful planning and an eye for the future, with all factors taken into consideration, in order to reap rewarding and sustainable gains.

Like any successful business, forming partnerships and networking with other companies is essential in sustaining any business in the long run. Establishing good social ties be it with friends or family are just as or even more important than having a steady romantic relationship. Usually, serious love relationships always implicate these other parties too which is why we should never forget about our other loved ones. At worst, if the business venture fails and a break up happens, with a partnership, at least the producers (the ones actively involved in the relationship) only lose the value of their investment made (in terms of time, money and energy) rather than all their assets being liable to be repossessed. Thus, you know your family and true friends are always there for you as your security blanket so don’t ever take them for granted.

Finally, there will always be obstacles and challenges in running a business be it in the form of competition (third party externalities and/or rivals duhh!) or simply imperfect information (misunderstandings and character conflicts). These can’t be helped but by forming a good sense of trust and respect and upholding important values(like integrity, loyalty and the golden rule of doing unto others as you would have them do unto you), these hurdles can be overcome. In fact, it is overcoming these obstacles that usually make the business stronger and relationships deeper.

Man, econs is really taking over my thoughts these days. Using econs to explain love o___O”, wth what’s next? Personally tho', I think the idea’s kind of cool. XD

With love, Sel. ^^,

feeling tired and moody right now - was super hungry and the dinner from JP's banquet well..particularly the stall i bought from was awful, n i'm being nice abt it. the la mian w braised beef smelt like rubbish and the shanghai dumplings just reeked of ginger. believe me, it tastes MUCH WORSE than it looks. RAWR.

kinda annoyed tt i stayed back in sch so late for nth..was supposed to discuss n buy tchr's day presents with some class ppl but as usual..with all the distractions and ppl excusing themselves nth was bought/done. Sigh. Should have just heck cared and gone home early n get tt nice nap i've been lacking (only slept for 2 hrs the nite b4 doing wr.) no wonder i feel monstrous. if the weather could depict my mood like 'Storm' in X-men it'd be a major thunderstorm rite now. bad food + hungry + super tired sel = MONSTER. lol.

on a high note, was glad tt i wasn't lost in chem again (in fact i've been pretty active in the subject so i guess it's a gd thing)...
n saw someone XD who made me feel warm n fuzzy inside...
n then saw someone's someone... ;P (not telling!)
n then discovered a lot of major shocking things...
which makes me feel a teeny weeny bit noob when it comes to love. but i'd rather take my time than rush into it. besides, heard tt ppl who usually start out later in love tend to settle down earlier n r happier w their spouse. well it's just a finding. but if love comes along, i know i'm ready for it. Although right now, i'm just happy and contented where i am - being loved by a supportive group of family and good friends. ^^, awww.

Sis was looking through her stuff and she came across this bookmark which she passed to me & which i thought had some quality quotes to ponder over-

If the doors of my heart ever close,
I am as good as dead.
-Mary Oliver

Can you live life without loving life and can you love life without living it? =)

-------------------------------------------------------------

Ok here's some other irrelevant but amusing stuff that she passed to me -

Sis: Nah.(passes a really sweet & lovely valentine card) For your future valentine.

Sel: *Lol* Don't think i'll need it anytime soon though.

Sis: Yep, but I won't be needing it ever.(she's married.=)))

..........................................................

Sis: *Lol* Take a look at this.

Sel: Woah..That's your "hero" when he was in NS! *Lol* He looks so diff.! Like Timon (from the Lion King) XD

Sis: *LOL* Uh-huh. That's the worst photo of him i've ever seen.

(*May bro-in-law never see my bloggie.*);p

.........................................................

All right, back to nasty pw. >

Was visiting char's n lushy's blogs n saw our earlier class photo on char's(my sis thought that nick, shanan n eng wei were gd looking) n found some cool quizzes on lushy's. hi-5 lushy! i got "comfortable PJs' too!
n here are some other results from other quizzes.

Your Heart Is Blue

Love is a doing word for you. You know it's love when you treat each other well. You are a giving lover, but you don't give too much. You expect something in return. Your flirting style: Friendly Your lucky first date: Lunch at an outdoor cafe Your dream lover: Is both generous and selfish What you bring to relationships: Loyalty

Lol..i wonder, How do you be both generous yet selfish? Hmmm..is it like, "Wanna have some cake?..but hey don't eat all of it! I want some too!" ? XD

You Have a Sanguine Temperament

You are an optimistic person who is easily content. You enjoy casual, light tasks - never wanting to delve too deep into anything. A bit fickle, it's easy for you to change plans or paths when presented with something better. You enjoy all of the great things life has to offer - food, friends, and fun. A great talker, you can keep the conversation going for hours. You are optimistic and sure of your success. If you fail, you don't worry about it too much. At your worst, you are vain. You are obsessed with your own attractiveness. A horrible flirt, you tend to jump into love affairs and relationship drama easily. You're very jealous - which just magnifies the craziness around you.

i think most of the above is accurate except i hardly get jealous at all by nature although i can get pretty zany/crazy when i'm high lol. And i have no idea how to flirt so i don't even know if i'm flirting or not! *-*""

Your Interpersonal Intelligence Score: 78%

Your Interpersonal Intelligence is High You are definitely a "people person." You enjoy spending time with others. You instinctively understand people, and you are both a good counsellor and mediator. However, there are definitely times when you've had enough. And that's when you cherish being alone.

That is very true.=)

Guys Like That You're Charming

You're the girl most guys can't get out of their heads Even if they met you on a bad hair day :-) You just seem to "click" with everyone you meet So even if a guy forgets about you for a second... his friends haven't!

and

Guys Like That You're Sensitive

And not in that "cry at a drop of a hat" sort of way You just get most guys - even if you're not trying to Guys find it is easy to confide in you and tell you their secrets No wonder you tend to get close quickly in relationships!

Me, sensitive yet charming? Lol..Reli meh?

Your Personality is Somewhat Rare (ESFP)

Your personality type is playful, charming, open minded, and energetic. Only about 7% of all people have your personality, including 9% of all women and 5% of all men You are Extroverted, Sensing, Feeling, and Perceiving.

You Are 39% Bitchy

You're a pretty sweet person, and you're definitely not prone to bitchy outbursts. Sometimes, though, you can't help thinking mean thoughts about people. But at least you don't act on them!

Finally, some career tests for fun-

Your Career Personality: Empathetic, Loyal, and People-Oriented

Your Ideal Careers: Chef Corporate trainer Designer Events Coordinator Librarian Politician Psychologist Small Business Owner Social Worker Teacher

and

Your Career Type: Social

You are helpful, friendly, and trustworthy. Your talents lie in teaching, nursing, giving information, and solving social problems. You would make an excellent: Counselor - Dental Hygienist - Librarian Nurse - Parole Officer - Personal Trainer Physical Therapist - Social Worker - Teacher The worst career options for your are realistic careers, like truck driver or farmer.

Anyway, my ambition is to work in Monetary Authority of Singapore(MAS) or Ministry of Community Development for Youth and Sports (MCYS) or Medicine i.e. become a doctor.

K now i must go n do some work or i will die next week.=S

got back from ubin ytd afternoon n was reli shacked. fell asleep on the bus back from changi terminal to sch n kept falling asleep all over the place at sch haha. well ubin has left me with pretty special memories..and takeaway gifts- 30 mosquito bites in total. aww..guess someone's blood is sweet, just like it's owner.(okok..ego, i know. sounds kinda morbid too.o-O") then there are the ant bites(will talk abt tt later.) n the bruises on my back, hips n butt from sleeping on the hard ground. owww.

well, at first i'd thought that 2 days n 1 night was too short a camp but now i felt that it was just right. by the second day i was feeling damn sien already. but i guess being in that kind of amenities-challenged setting not only makes ppl bond closer but also makes me so much more grateful for all the things i take for granted back home.(seeing brown water was a first for me.)

well anyway, here's some highlights of the events tt happened there:

1st day
Set off for ubin from changi terminal but not before stopping for a bite at the famoous nasi lemak. After ho chwin n wenyu's harrasing julie to confess the identity of her then crush, we finally arrived at the ubin jetty.(tho' i prefer the bumboats to taking a ferry cos' the sheltered top minimises us getting the sea breez=() on a high note, we were greeted by a beautiful circular rainbow (my first time seeing one=))!) and the sun was right smack in the middle of the rainbow. then to my horror i realised there were many dogs on the island altho' they're pretty nice n tame. (kind of freaked out at one point cos the dog was so close to me n i hadn't realised it. but i think my shriek scared the poor doggie more><)yep then set up our tents at the campsite n found out we didn't have string.(no comments)zzzzzz. but to be fair by nightfall i think they looked more like tents after the guys did some adjustments. class was split into 3 grps- i was in the lead me group with julie, kelly,nathan, matthew & zhunwen, n the rest. then li anne was in feed me group with nat, hong yao n the others. i think charlene was in pitching with the other guys.

did some trekking to nordin beach where the guys played catching n we played polar bear n then the hornet incident-
li anne n me wanted to use the soap but the girls toilet had none so after all the guys had left, we went to their toiet to use the soap n then i saw some wasp hovering just above her head.
Sel: Li Anne, there's a wasp just above you.
LiAnne: Where? Omg ahhhhhhh!
Sel: AHhhhh!
N then when we finally got out, everyone was like looking at us with a ? expression: they had a "why wad happened?" look and then a "wai a min, why r u two in the guys toilet" look. oops.

got back to camp n helped the cooking ppl with the cooking. the end pdt was yum! maggi n curry chicken,baked beans n sausages, n eggs. dinner was gr8 ^^,.

then played truth or dare zzzzz (kinda glad actually tt most of our class guys don't know "who the hell is jeffrey" -i'm spared from unwanted harrassment.(charlene, i wanna kill u for asking tt qn xp n lol julie stop giving me that look.) but i dont' wanna delve into the contents of tt convo. wad was said,in my opinion, shld end there.

had a nighwalk to the jetty which i felt was one of the best parts of the camp. the night sea breeze was wonderful n zhi wen's suggestion of the oomchi game was gd. had a lot of fun in tt. wenyu, fangjin n kelly had to do some forfeit - wenyu n fangjin having to woo kelly lol. (sorry kel(!) for saboing u into the forfeit ><)

went to change clothes(n i screamed like crazy cos i was stuck in a toilet cubicle with a freaking cockroach in the middle of my business n it was very much alive n omg it was hellish. i can stand anythign but roaches. ewww omg damn gross. n i was damn embarrassed after tt for screaming like a banshee but i think substitute tht nasty roach with ur phobia be it lizard,spider,wadever n u'll understand how i felt at the time.) then it was sleeping time. had a good girl talk(again, i'm not delving into tt private convo) n then i guess we were a bit loud so we kinda quietened down n fell asleep.
Time check: 1.30 am
Everyone's asleep.
Time: 2.30 am
i was still kind of drowsy n very much asleep when i felt like my whole bod was being stung by needles n then i felt myself being nudged.
(all conversations in hushed tones n whispers)
NAt: SEl, there's an ants infestation! we need to move to the other side!
N then suddenly it clicked. i felt things crawling all over n it was reli gross n i grabbed a nearby torch n shone it on the ground sheet n i saw a tr(ail of ants carrying some orange beetle or something. O-o"!!! n The worst was we had to stifle our screams n terror cos we didn't wanna wake the whole world n 3H up.) I know i just flipped. in my subconcious state, i just flung off my shirt to the other opening of the tent n then it dawned on me to my horror-xxxxxSEl's thought processxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Ewwww! omg waddahell are so many ants doing on me! so freakin' gross! ....wait, y r nat n who's dat, oh julie, doing in my room?! wait.. oh ya we're in class camp. CLASS CAMP?! OMG the guys are just next our tent! N there is no way to close the opening in our tent! If one of the guys wakes up n sees me like this i'm SO DEAD!!!
(SEl, now more awake then ever, jumps out of sleeping bag n looks up to see julie n nat staring at her with a "waddahell r u doing taking off ur shirt" look)
Julie: Sel!!
Sel: OMG wth am i doing?! NAt quick pass me back my shirt! But dust it first to flick off the ants! Hurry!

3 minutes later....

The situation-
Charlene, who's slept through the whole ordeal(well her side didn't have ants so she was lucky). Li Anne who sat up when told of the infestation, moved a little more to the anti-ant side n lay back down doing everything ALL IN HER SLEEP. (haha woman, you own us all) Then Kelly, Sel, Julie n Nat who's awake n feeling pretty traumatised.

Everyone heaves a sigh of relief and goes back to bed.

Time check: 3.30
Julie gasps with horror and gets up in shock. All of us are woken up.
Julie: There;s something in the tent!
Sel: What happened?
Julie: I woke up n saw this black patch of thingy on the tent just in front of me.
*Croaking sound*
NAt: Must have been a frog. (Note: None of the girls are scared of frogs n toads so no one was weirded out. Btw, Here are the list of phobias - CHarlene: Worms , Kelly: Snails, Sel: Cockroaches , Nat & Li Anne: Nth to date, unless it's a sudden scare like a hornet suddenly appearing above ur head, Julie & Kalusha: Creepy crawlies, Ashley: Spiders, Julian: Lizards. well, the girls have incorporated ash n jul as the 8th n 9th girls in our class.)

Having identifid the 'black patch thingy' we all go back to sleep again..but from then till morning, it was a rather sleepless night cos' everyone had become a little paranoid.

I heard some noises later in the nite that seemed to approach our tent then move away but Nat said it must have been a bird n i was too scared to peek out from the tent so yep, never identified them.

2nd Day
It's morning, n the girls wake up to see a rat scuttle out of the 3H people's tent. *shudders*

Had only a twistie n some crackers n water for breakfast cos we decided not to cook.

Everyone's still feeling zombified from lack of sleep n hunger.(for the girls)

Trekking to Chek Jawa n camwhoring.

Ate bread with pineapple jam/kaya while we waited for a cab cos i rained. played oomchi, winking murderer n bangx2. oh n i found out that charlene can't wink n shanan can't squat. anyway the last two to survive were nat and charlene (alright girls owns!! altho' i must say wenyu's 'bang' was pretty real.) the poor dogs kinda got frightened from all the 'bang'ing going ard.

took our bags from ubin n got back to school(sheng was taking pic of ppl sleeping on the bus) n then it was home sweet home but not before stopping for a bite at ritz for some choc puffs n a slice of apple strudel.YUM. =) (i'm craving for a nice hot bath again ^^)

P.S.: On behalf of all the girls, we're pretty grateful to ashley n julian for providing us with the torchlights n support to the toilet n back for most of the duration of the camp. Thanks guys. =))

i am just so ******* fed up with so many things i think that if i don't say something out of it soon i might just need anti-depressants to survive and prevent me from turning into an IMH-friendly person.

My room is a MESS. And every attempt to clean it always gets foiled by ppl dumping and leaving their clothes and things in it.

I get a migraine during car-rides bcos' ppl talk so loudly and it's so noisy in the background it's just impossible to tune-out. Sometimes this is amplified by annoying old hindi songs.

I get frustrated when people i care about get bullied and don't learn to fend for themselves.

I'm sick and tired of not having my personal privacy anymore now that it's so noisy and populated back here.

I'm upset that some people just don't have proper funeral etiquette.(My close aunt just passed away and i'm upset although i dont show it.)

I'm fed up with INCONSIDERATE ppl who make others wait for them for hours claiming that it'll only take a while and then changing their minds so that the wait was pointless.

I'm annoyed by people who ask me to do stupid things.

I'm livid with people who get close to you just to make use of you.

I'm sick of explaining things over and over to people who only just want to listen to what they want to hear.

I'm tired of wasting half my weekends entertaining guests at home.

I'm horrified and super pissed that all my JC1 stuff got deleted from my PC thanks to the work of people who try to act smart.

I'm exhausted by people who leech and won't let go.

Omg..i'm so "me,myself & i"-like right now i almost hate myself. this is so unlike me. i must be losing my mind. But i've been focusing my attention on everyone but me..helping everyone but myself.

And.i'm.reaching.my.breaking.point.

PHEEEWWWW! Soooo tired.. bio lesson in the morning and chem yesterday. and the econs tuition lady forgot to tell me that tuition today was cancelled so i went down to Bugis all the way from Bishan for nothing! But the Adam's Rd Nasi Lemak and Island Creamery's ice cream that me, Julie, Julian and Ashley had was yum-meh. Lol.. it was really good tho' my number 1 is still Ben & Jerry's hands down. N i still have street secretary work to do n pw stuff which is haunting me. i feel like ... i dunno..sleeping? well, wadever it is, i shldn't be blogging, rite? ok, shall go sleep now.

it was ok i guess. i love my peels.. esp. the one i showed nair- it was SO bloody dark red stained n nicely plasmolysed. haha i was so happie =D.

feel relieved that perf's over n it was a success overall, and am super excited abt making it into exco. i just love being committed to the things i love. ;)

now my brain power is like fluctuating madly as usual, haha so it's normal for anyone else to get lost in my thoughts. oh well.

more rj ppl joined econ tuition class @ bugis (yay!) n mr lee was hilarious as usual. hmm..n i love the ppl in our class! they're so nice. <3 darryl reminds me of cheo somehow..i guess they're loud in common. lol. yep but charming in his own way too. ;) but my no.1 is still my no.1;P omg so excited.. will be able to see him tom again after not being able to come for sun class for 2 weeks!=S yes!*peace* ahaha waddahell..i'm going loco now. hmm.. must be the lack of sleep coming into effect.

i'm seriously like a week lagging in tutorials n i'm damn scared. must catch up! ajax2 fighting~!

oh ya..after tuition went to eat @ sembawang wif m y parents, aunt n uncle. wahh..food was SO yummy. esp. the tom yam n steamed fish. Mmmmmmm....better than sex. oh speakin' of which, our final pose for the vibe 'octet phunk' perf. is TEH SEX! XD

take care and toodles~!

yay a couple of thinks to rejoice for :

chem spa is OVER! and i'm pretty happy abt it cos i think i aced it.. if only this spa solely contributed 20% of our grades..sigh. anyway, am super thankful i listened to seniors and studied my mock spa really hard + tried some tys.

oh well 3 impt lessons i learnt from chem prac:
1. when the weighing balance goes "888888888" "----------" "HELLO" then don't bother waiting for your values to appear because it's spoiled
2. when your end-point is 'over-shot', quickly add a couple of drops of solution from your volumetric flask to change back the colour. Then call the teacher to check your endpoint and add the few drops of solution from your burette required to cause the wanted colour change.
3. observe your burette well when pouring the reagent in, esp. if it's coloured, so that your bench top n your uniform does not get dyed/splattered with the burette solution.

Next, went shopping with Cheryl, Rachel, Syaz, Josh, Grace, Benji and Chiwei @ toa payoh n bugis for streetdance concert (vibe@DXO) costumes.

Tom is a holiday (May Day!)

Unfortunately, i haf tuition n street prac till late so my whole day is taken up.=(

I hafta catch up with my tuts which seem to be never-ending. And the irony is i'm wasting time now blogging.



Now i feel really tired and i haf no idea how i'm gonna survive tom. =___

Haha yay econs n chem test is over! =) Yep, n i spoke to mum n after a lot of emo-ing to her she finally said that it's ok n i don't need to take chem tuition! Yayyyy =D this means that i can continue Sunday school. Haha yay i'm damn happie. (Thanks for the gr8 help nathan! ^^)

Altho' Syaf-q smssed me on Sunday this week n she was like i shld haf come n all(i didn't go class this wk) cos he sat next to where i usually sit in class again. (for the dunnow-how-many-eth time haha lol) Haha n she was like "we changed class already! Different chairs n tables! n he was sitting damn close, right next to where u always sit ah! wasted mann.." N i was like "Aww..haha ok well, still got next week ;P." -__-" haha oh well...sometimes i wonder who's supposed to be more enthu - me or my best budds ><" LoL.

Haha well so now i NOT emo anymore. which is GOOD. =D haha then today after class me, julie n li anne went to United Square @ Novena for some yummylicious Ben&Jerry's free cone ice cream. OMG this is the dunno-how-many-eth time i'm saying this but IT. IS. HEAVENLY. haha this sounds real terrible but Gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins so we queued up. TWICE. haha. i had one Chunky Monkey n one Strawberry Swirl Cheesecake. nyummehhh. Yepp..feeling high now from the sugar rush still. N tom is 2.4 run lah. i can just feel all the cellulite building up in me from all those sinful calories. o___O"

Haha waddahell. Oh well. Found this thingy on Charlene's blog and "koped" it.

Instructions:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. The song title will be your answer for that question you are at.

How are you feeling today?

When I fall in love – Celine Dion & Luther Vandross
~ Haha yea I’m in love…with Ben&Jerry’s ice cream! Today was free cone day- yummeh! =D

How do other people see you as?

I miss you so much – TLC
~ Aww…I feel loved. <3

What is the title of your life?

Do It Again – Nada Surf
~ Yep must keep trying, never give up! Jiayou! Hell yea. “Come on, let’s do it again”!

What was primary school life like?

God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On You – N’Sync
~ Huh? Waddahell. Well, I guess pr. school was an unforgettable time, where most of my childhood was spent.

What is the best thing about your friends?

Track 10 – Unknown => some background sound of ppl chatting noisily (used this for malay drama last year)
~ WAHAHAHA LOL. Yes, they sure can talk a lot. Okok la… this wasn’t a song, so no count k? I’ll “press forward” again then.

You Are The One – C21
~ “You are the one, you are the one, who can make moments last forever. The one that makes the sunshine, wherever you go.” Aww…true. ^_^

What's in store for you for this week?

Too Lost In You – Sugarbabes
~ Hell yea. “Too lost in you…” and I mean “you” as in SCHOOLWORK. Rawr.

What song describes you?

I Wanna Love You Forever – Jessica Simpson

“You set my soul at ease
Chased darkness out of view
Left your desperate spell on me
Say you feel it too I know you do
I've got so much more to give
This can't die, I yearn to live
Pour yourself all over me
And I'll cherish every drop here on my knees

Chorus:
I wanna love you forever
And this is all I'm asking of you
10,000 lifetimes together
Is that so much for you to do
Cuz from the moment that I saw your face
and felt the fire of your sweet embrace
I swear I knew
I wanna love you forever

Verse:
My mind fails to understand
What my heart tells me to do
And I'd give up all I have just to be with you
And that would do
I've always been taught to win
And I never thought I'd fail
Be at the mercy of a man, I've never been
Now I only want to be right where you are

Chorus

Bridge:
In my life I've learned that heaven never waits
Let's take this now before it's gone
like yesterday
Cuz when I'm with you there's nowhere else
That I would ever wanna be no
I'm breathing for the next second I can feel you
Loving me..I'm gonna Love”

~ OMG. Spot on. =)

What song will they play at your funeral?

Fall Again – Glenn Lewis
~ “I wanna spend time till the end. I wanna fall with you again. Like we did when we first met, I wanna fall with you again.” Aww…such a sad song. I’m touched. *sniffs*

Do people of the opposite gender secretly want/lust after you?

Come What May – Moulin Rouge Soundtrack
“Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
I want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day I'm loving you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time
Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you
And there's no mountain too high
No river too wide
Sing out this song I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather
And stars may collide
But I love you until the end of time
Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day
Oh, come what may, come what may
I will love you, I will love you
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day”
~ I’d rather be loved than lusted after. ;)


What should I do with my life?

I’ve finally found someone – Brian Adams & Barbara Streisand
“ I finally found someone
Who knocks me off my feet
I finally found the one
Who makes me feel complete

It started over coffee
We started off as friends
It's funny how from simple things
The best things begin

This time it's different,
It's all because of you
It's better than it's ever been
Cause we can talk it through

My favorite line was
'Can I call you sometime'
Its all you had to say
To take my breath away

This is it
Oh I finally found someone
Someone to share my life
I finally found the one
to be with every night
Cos’ whatever I do
It's just got to be you
My life has just begun
I finally found someone
Oooh someone
I finally found someone

Did I keep you waiting? (I didnt mind)
I apologize (baby that's fine)
I will wait forever
Just to know you were mine
(Ooh) You know I love your hair
(Sure it looks right?)
I love what you wear
(Isn't it too tight?)
You're exceptional
I can't wait for the rest of my life

This is it
Oh I finally found someone
Someone to share my life
I finally found the one
To be with every night
Cos’ whatever I do
It's just got to be you

Ohh my life has just begun
I've finally found someone
And whatever I do
It's just got to be you
Ohh my life has just begun
I've finally found someone...”
~ I guess in life everyone hopes to find that right person one day. Ohh but I love this song. It’s so sweet it just melts my heart and makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. >< haha waddahell.

(P.S.: Right now eating chin chow and feeling satisfied.)

now i can understand why this is one of the most acclaimed "break up" song. i can totally empathise.

"With Or Without You" by U2

See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you

Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you

With or without you
With or without you

Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And I'm waiting for you

With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

My hands are tied
My body bruised, she's got me with
Nothing to win and
Nothing left to lose

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you

With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
With or without you
_______________________________________________________________________________________

I know I don't seem like it or look like it but i can feel my heart breaking..just shattering like sparkling glittery little shards of crystal in the sunlight.
I'm feeling depressed. Apparently it's become common knowledge in society to associate being depressed with being suicidal. BUT they are not the same. I'm just very very sad but that doesn't mean that i feel like jumping off the building or something. C'mon I'm stronger than that. I'll get back to that.*

It's just that even when I smile,or laugh (genuinely of course! i have no idea how some ppl can fake something so natural-__-") I just don't feel the same way anymore. My heart just feels heavy, like it's been chained down with lead or something. And i sigh, sigh so that i can breathe becos' this feeling, it just makes you feel breathless, and i don't mean it in a good way. It's wearing me down, this emptiness in my heart, that was once filled with the joy of being able to meet close knitted childhood friends, friends i've known for almost a decade(boy do i feel old.:S). I think it's a feeling that words can't really describe, no matter how you try to. Only those who have felt the pain of losing a loved one or close friend can understand.

I want to just break free and let it all out. Becos' bottling it up will do no good, i know that much for sure. But the rest seems so uncertain and bleak. (Back to *) Crying helps, but the problem is, I just can't cry. Well, i can, but not easily. No matter how i try to let it out, it's just stuck there, in my throat, choked, these emotions. For once, i wish i was emo n cry-babyish, not so strong emotionally. Then maybe i could release this feelings much more easily. All i'm asking for is a good cry, a good shout-out. I'm not making much progress in that so i guess i'll just talk it out, which i have, with a few trusted good souls. And i must say, it's really helped lift up half the load n burden i felt before. Thks you guys, for trying to cheer me up. I really appreciate it. =)

Oh mann... i know i shld be doing some work but i'm really in no mood for it..i just feel like lying on my bed n listening to emo songs, drowning in sorrow. Nono i shouldn't.. i hate wallowing in self pity. sucks mann. haha typing this bunch of emo crap is actually pretty therapeutic in a way.. making me feel better. So forgive me if this entry is just sooooo lor sor..i'm just trying to keep my fingers working here.

Oops. I think i ran out of stuff to say. No wait.. i feel like making a shout-out to the people i love. (ok this is starting to sound like some radio dedication thingy. waddahell.) Well anyway, to my family, my friends : sunday school gang (idah, syafiqah, rabiatul,fazzy wuzzy), classmates (S03C), streetZ ppl, close most fav. seniors (ash, nar, nurul n lestari), close ex-classmates, AK-ers (esp. hab, peixuan, my cute juniors -diy, zaf, n lots more), my =P: zul, in case I never had/get a chance to say this to you all, I LOVE YOU. =)

Peace.
~sel

PS: ohh btw the character thing for PW.. i got like OWL ..ahh sounds so ancient and old! i wanna be a teddy bear! *pouts* ;)

Oh ya.. me n kok tong (aka josh) will be leading tom's street instructor prac routines after the instructor session tom. waah..*nervous nervous*. >

Now I lay me down to study
I pray the Lord I won't go nutty
If I should fail to learn this junk
I pray the Lord I will not flunk
But if I do don't pity me at all
Just lay my bones in the exam hall
Tell my profs I did my best
And pile my books upon my chest
Now I lay me down to rest
And pray I'll pass tomorrow's test
If I should die before I wake
That's one less test I'll have to take
Amen.


Goodnite y'all!
~sel.

'Twas the night before finals, and all through the college,
The students were praying for last minute knowledge.
Most were quite sleepy, but none touched their beds,
While visions of essays danced in their heads.

Out in the taverns, a few were still drinking,
And hoping that liquor would loosen up their thinking.
In my own apartment, I had been pacing,
And dreading exams I soon would be facing.

My roommate was speechless, his nose in his books,
And my comments to him drew unfriendly looks.
I drained all the coffee, and brewed a new pot,
No longer caring that my nerves were shot.

I stared at my notes, but my thoughts were muddy,
My eyes went ablur, I just couldn't study.
"Some pizza might help," I said with a shiver,
But each place I called refused to deliver.

I'd nearly concluded that life was too cruel,
With futures depending on grades had in school.
When all of a sudden, our door opened wide,
And 'Patron Saint Put It Off' ambled inside.

Her spirit was careless,
Her manner was mellow,
She started to bellow:

"What kind of student would make such a fuss,
To toss back at teachers what they tossed at us?"
"On Cliff Notes! On Crib Notes! On Last Year's Exams!
On Wingit and Slingit, and Last Minute Crams!"

Her message delivered, she vanished from sight,
But we heard her laughing outside in the night.
"Your teachers have pegged you, so just do your best.
Happy Finals to All, and to All, a good test."


i'm putting this up on my bedroom door before CTs. ~toodles~ sel.

Adapted from William Shakespeare's "All the world's a stage" (Act 2 Scene 7 of 'As you like it')

All the world's a lab,
And all the men and women merely subjects:
They have their theses and exams,
And one doc in his time plans many experiments
His notes in seven stages. At first the undergrad,
mewlink and puking at the frat house jams.
And then the winning doctorate, with his papers
And statistical analysis, doing just enough
If only to graduate. And then the postdoc,
Wailing like hell, with a woeful ballad
Of experiments gone sour. Then associate prof,
Full of strange theories and requiring a tech,
Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in temper,
Seeking the bubble reputation
While kissing the chairman's butt. And then the tenure,
In fair round belly with good postdocs lined,
With eyes severe and pen to thesis cut,
Full of wise saws and forgotten techniques;
And so he plays his part. The sixth stage shifts
To the lean and slippered chairman
With spectacles on nose and job on the side,
His theories of youth, well saved, a world to weird
For his shrunk grant; and so his "go get'em" attitude
Turning again towards mild caution, tempered
Theories all around. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is status emeritus and mere oblivion,
sans students, sans postdocs, sans grants, sans everything.

sometimes i wonder wad i'm doing in the science stream when i love poems so much.=) ~toodles~ sel.